Thursday, July 15, 2010

Where did I leave my keyboard?

In case you were wondering, Pregnancy Brain for sure exists.  I've had three really terrible run-ins with my new identity as a forgetful mom-to-be but (I kid you not) can only remember two of them.

My case began gradually.  I found myself walking around the apartment much more looking for things.  Every once and a while I do something silly (even before I was pregnant) like look for my glasses while they're on or ask my friend on the phone why I can never find my phone.  I think I get that from my father, the classic absent minded professor.  So it wasn't so much new levels of forgetfulness, just increased frequency.

But then I graduated.

The first (and therefore most unnerving) situation came up when I was serving Omri juice for breakfast.  I opened the fridge, took out the bottle of juice, went to the cupboard, took out a glass.... and the bottle of juice was gone.  It was like a maniacal magician was playing tricks on me.  So I tried to think of what brilliant place I had thought of to leave the juice while I got the glass... did I put the juice back in the fridge?  Is it on the counter somewhere?  Maybe I put it on top of the microwave for some reason?  I started wandering the whole apartment--the dining room table?  The fridge?  Again the fridge?  Maybe further back in the fridge?  ...the FREEZER?

Ok, if you already figured it out, just don't tell me.

I had neatly replaced the glass with the bottle of juice.  No logic.  No, a bottle of Naked juice will not last long in my cupboard.  It took me a good five minutes to find the sucker.  I spent the rest of the day scared of myself.

But if I had only known what was in store for me I would have seen the many advantages of that mistake.  It was only within our small one-bedroom apartment, so how many places could I possibly need to check?  Much more critically... it was PRIVATE.

Not yesterday.  Oh, no.

Yesterday, on my way to my milestone halfway-through-pregnancy super ultrasound (healthy, albeit hyperactive baby growing nicely!) I was Miss Efficiency and decided to return our Redbox movie from the night before (Did You Hear About the Morgans?  Nothing spectacular, but what we needed.).  So I took our Redbox movie, went to the movie rental machine, and returned it.  The only problem was, it was the BLOCKBUSTER movie rental machine.  So I watched as the machine courteously reported that "No Media Was Detected" and then promptly switched to "Out of Order."

I stared at the machine.  I was mortified.  I was also multi-tasking (big no-no if you ask my mom)--ironically, by being on the phone... with my mom.  And then the yetzer hara reared it's ugly head and I fully embraced his excuses.  "This is way too embarrassing, you can't do this, it probably happens all the time, you'll deal with it later but you'll be late for your appointment.  Just leave."

I left.

Which, of course, just makes it all the more awkward and embarrassing.  Y"h did NOT have my back.

So I spent the very long ultrasound appointment planning my attack and imagining all the old gnarly Dollar Store employees screaming at me for ruining their business and breaking their machine and demanding I buy them a new one.

Luckily, the managers are actually chilled-out twenty somethings.  Who, quite frankly, laughed in my face (as politely as one can laugh in someone's face when not laughing is just not an option) when I told them what I'd done.  I gave them my name and number, reported the Out of Order machine to Blockbuster (India), and went home.  A few hours later I get a call from the next on-duty manager.

"Hi, is this Kayla?"
"This is Somethingorother from Dollar Saver."
"Oh, hi..."  (I hadn't really heard him.)
"Yeah, I have your (barely suppressed giggle) Redbox DVD."
"Ohhh.  Yes.  Yup.  Ok.  I'll be in shortly.  Thank you sooooo much."
(Outright laughter.)  "Yeah, ok, see you then."

When I went in, I found Mr. Somethingorother, asked him if he worked there, and then identified myself as "the ditz with the Redbox DVD."  He actually finished that sentence for me.

Then he told me it was his opinion that "they make it a Big Red Box for a reason."  In as friendly a way as possible.

I guess it's as good a time as any to really understand what they meant in theater school when they said to "check your ego at the door."  This is a whole new level.

All I have to say is, thank Gd this baby will be attached to my body for another many months so I don't have to worry about misplacing it.


Cooper said...

hahahaha awesome. My cheeks are sore from reading this. Rivals your performance in the Steve Martin it!

Omri said...

HAHAHAHA This story shall be told for generations :)


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