What's Adina like?

Who knows how much of this will be accurate down the line, but we think we see some definite character traits.

First of all, she is, bli eyin hara (literally: "without the evil eye), a very easy baby.  She is often described as "gentle," which is the meaning of her name, Adina.  (Actually, after seeing this strong correlation, Noach/Omri and I are determined to start naming our children by easy-going character traits.)

I guess all babies seem funny, but I have to say it.  Each morning I wake up next to her (I rarely have the energy to get her back into her cradle after nursing at night) and watch her sleep.  When she wakes up, if I'm still there, she looks at me and is soon smiling as if we share the most fabulous secret in the world.  It's such an adult expression that I forget she's a baby for a while.  She loves cooing at people and stuffed animals.  Sometimes she'll lie in my bed as I'm getting ready in the morning and just coo at the room.

This morning, after getting up for a few minutes, I was crawling (sick) back into bed and found her sleeping on her back with her arms completely spread open.  At not even three months, she's managed to take up my. entire. spot. on the bed.

Oh... and sometimes she smiles like she's laughing at me.  I wouldn't be surprised.  

New pictures and videos on our Picasa album.

The Toolbox

One concept in Jewish thought that I always liked is written about beautifully in the book Woman to Woman (which is based on a series of lectures by Rebbetzin Esther Greenberg).  Basically, the idea goes like this: if you were a construction worker with some kind with an intelligent foreman for a boss, you could show up at work one day and, based entirely on what is in your toolbox and where you are, figure out what you are meant to do that day at work.  Of course, we are the worker and Gd is the foreman.  Our gifts and passions are within our toolbox and our life's circumstances are the setting.  


Ok, now that I've butchered that I can move on.  


I was recently fortunate to spend a Shabbos meal with some NYU students, including a woman who recently graduated from the same theater program I went to.  We discussed our shared feelings of conflict over being theater artists who had become passionate about our Judaism.  We came to term our Torah learning a "wakening of the sleeping giant."  Inconvenient, but ultimately not something one can ignore.  There's a giant in the room.  An awake one.  That changes the situation.


So here we are, albeit still in two somewhat different places, trying to figure out this delicate balance between our creative gifts and passions and the indescribable beauty of Torah and a Torah lifestyle.  


And I think it is starting to be time to check out that back burner which has been caring for my artistic soul for the last two years while I've explored a new part of myself.  


While I am happy with the choices I've made and certainly wouldn't take anything back, I am inarguably in a different place than I ever expected to be.  


Mentsch tracht, Gott lacht. (Yiddish proverb- Man plans and Gd laughs.)


Forget the Orthodox Jewish bit (if you can fit that pink elephant into the corner for a moment, thank you).  How about the married bit?  The imminently arriving BABY bit?  The--dare I say it--living in SUBURBAN NEW JERSEY bit?


This was not the plan.  And I'd spent a good decade crafting this plan.  And I spent much of the last two years trying to craft a NEW fabulous plan that would make this all fit neatly together.  Way to learn the lesson, self.


And yet, I wouldn't change a thing.  No, this is not the route to my Oscar.  Nor are we buying our one-way tickets to Israel any time soon.  How unglamorous of us.


On the other hand, I am currently engaged in the single most creative act known to mankind.  THIS SECOND.  And this one. 


It's time to accept that this is not the workplace I anticipated.  The needs of the world I live in now are not the needs I thought I would one day fill.  What I have to offer will not be received the way I had planned out.  Nu?  It's taken me two years to come to terms with this?  I've been observing this phenomenon for all this time without swallowing that pill (which ultimately I don't think is even such a bad pill to swallow!).


It's time to look into the toolbox, get a good lay of the land, and start building.

Thoughts on Pregnancy or... Birth Control For The Weak-Hearted or... Things I'd Post On Facebook But I Think You'd Judge Me

1. I was under the mistaken impression that an unborn child couldn't keep you up all night.
In reality, I feel like this:

All the time.

2.  It used to seem logical that if you were exhausted at 9 PM, you could probably go to bed.
In reality, exhaustion at 9 PM is really just your body playing a cruel trick because really, right before you fall asleep, you'll bounce back and be full of energy until about 3 AM at which point you've read enough about the Salmonella crisis to finally peel your eyelids off your hairline and consider nodding off.  Oh, and that Camomile tea (which I haven't been able to sleep one night without) will make sure that you're up again around 5 AM.  And wired.  Because who can sleep after three nightmares in a row about a missing nursery and nowhere to put the baby?  (Why THIS bothers me is a bit confusing... we know we won't have a nursery so it's a moot point.  Wouldn't my brain be more entertained with anxiety over birth or car seats?)

3.  If a pregnant woman's appetite is supposed to be justified by the phrase "eating for two," I'm taking it upon myself to release this PSA to all expecting women.  Sometimes baby invites thirty friends over for a dinner party, and you'll be expected to feed them all.  NOW.  Gd help anyone who gets in your way.

4.  I was also certain until recently that the baby could not get a hold of bricks and Leggos until after the actual birth.  But, having reviewed human anatomy and finding nothing that could possibly be so hard and stabby as what's sticking out of my tummy, I'm convinced that somebody's providing toys to baby.  And I'm thinking of suing.

Thank Gd for new shoes, new makeup, (so at least I don't look quite as bad as I feel) and a hubby who's learned very quickly that when I stop using full sentences, he's going to be in charge of dishes that night.

And when I never managed a full sentence in the first place, we'll be ordering pizza.

Where did I leave my keyboard?

In case you were wondering, Pregnancy Brain for sure exists.  I've had three really terrible run-ins with my new identity as a forgetful mom-to-be but (I kid you not) can only remember two of them.

My case began gradually.  I found myself walking around the apartment much more looking for things.  Every once and a while I do something silly (even before I was pregnant) like look for my glasses while they're on or ask my friend on the phone why I can never find my phone.  I think I get that from my father, the classic absent minded professor.  So it wasn't so much new levels of forgetfulness, just increased frequency.

But then I graduated.

The first (and therefore most unnerving) situation came up when I was serving Omri juice for breakfast.  I opened the fridge, took out the bottle of juice, went to the cupboard, took out a glass.... and the bottle of juice was gone.  It was like a maniacal magician was playing tricks on me.  So I tried to think of what brilliant place I had thought of to leave the juice while I got the glass... did I put the juice back in the fridge?  Is it on the counter somewhere?  Maybe I put it on top of the microwave for some reason?  I started wandering the whole apartment--the dining room table?  The fridge?  Again the fridge?  Maybe further back in the fridge?  ...the FREEZER?

Ok, if you already figured it out, just don't tell me.

I had neatly replaced the glass with the bottle of juice.  No logic.  No, a bottle of Naked juice will not last long in my cupboard.  It took me a good five minutes to find the sucker.  I spent the rest of the day scared of myself.

But if I had only known what was in store for me I would have seen the many advantages of that mistake.  It was only within our small one-bedroom apartment, so how many places could I possibly need to check?  Much more critically... it was PRIVATE.

Not yesterday.  Oh, no.

Yesterday, on my way to my milestone halfway-through-pregnancy super ultrasound (healthy, albeit hyperactive baby growing nicely!) I was Miss Efficiency and decided to return our Redbox movie from the night before (Did You Hear About the Morgans?  Nothing spectacular, but what we needed.).  So I took our Redbox movie, went to the movie rental machine, and returned it.  The only problem was, it was the BLOCKBUSTER movie rental machine.  So I watched as the machine courteously reported that "No Media Was Detected" and then promptly switched to "Out of Order."

I stared at the machine.  I was mortified.  I was also multi-tasking (big no-no if you ask my mom)--ironically, by being on the phone... with my mom.  And then the yetzer hara reared it's ugly head and I fully embraced his excuses.  "This is way too embarrassing, you can't do this, it probably happens all the time, you'll deal with it later but you'll be late for your appointment.  Just leave."

I left.

Which, of course, just makes it all the more awkward and embarrassing.  Y"h did NOT have my back.

So I spent the very long ultrasound appointment planning my attack and imagining all the old gnarly Dollar Store employees screaming at me for ruining their business and breaking their machine and demanding I buy them a new one.

Luckily, the managers are actually chilled-out twenty somethings.  Who, quite frankly, laughed in my face (as politely as one can laugh in someone's face when not laughing is just not an option) when I told them what I'd done.  I gave them my name and number, reported the Out of Order machine to Blockbuster (India), and went home.  A few hours later I get a call from the next on-duty manager.

"Hi, is this Kayla?"
"Yes."
"This is Somethingorother from Dollar Saver."
"Oh, hi..."  (I hadn't really heard him.)
"Yeah, I have your (barely suppressed giggle) Redbox DVD."
"Ohhh.  Yes.  Yup.  Ok.  I'll be in shortly.  Thank you sooooo much."
(Outright laughter.)  "Yeah, ok, see you then."

When I went in, I found Mr. Somethingorother, asked him if he worked there, and then identified myself as "the ditz with the Redbox DVD."  He actually finished that sentence for me.

Then he told me it was his opinion that "they make it a Big Red Box for a reason."  In as friendly a way as possible.

I guess it's as good a time as any to really understand what they meant in theater school when they said to "check your ego at the door."  This is a whole new level.

All I have to say is, thank Gd this baby will be attached to my body for another many months so I don't have to worry about misplacing it.

Massive three-part picture post... it's been a while!

PART ONE: The Belly  

If authors were honest, books on pregnancy would have these words of advice under "pregnancy fashion"

If you really care, don't get pregnant.

Because it doesn't matter how much money you have and how fabulous the designers are that are making the clothes, eventually you will, like me, find yourself in the -- I have trouble typing this -- Practical Shoes section of DSW wanting to hide your face in shame.

Ah yes!  It's out!  I did some "advanced calculations" and decided that the chances of anyone but my mom reading this beats the likelihood of running (big belly first) into a friend not-yet-in-the-know so I might as well get the process down on record.

So here's where we've been while I wasn't posting because who can post about anything else when you're GOING TO HAVE A BABY?!?   (G-d willing!)

So, here's the little bugger from a few weeks ago... this shirt doesn't fit anymore.  That was fast.

PART TWO: The Food

This is for Whitney, who requested photos, here was the massive erev Shabbos cook-off from last week.  We had some amazing guests and a really lovely time.  I'm a huge fan of making lots at a time, in small batches, and freezing.  Here are the 16 baby challahs that I baked.  I won't be baking challah again for a few months :)

Or my absolute favorite carrot cake...
(The recipe is no longer online! Such a shame!  This cake is packed with raisins, walnuts and, of course, shredded carrots.  Deeelicious.)

Ok this chicken is slightly charred... but it's my favorite chicken dish and tasted better than it looks.  And this from a girl who's really not a fan of meat.  Broiled chicken with Jack Daniels' BBQ sauce and veggies and pineapple mmmmmm...

Potato kugel, which we don't particularly love but goes great if left on top of the chulent pot until lunch on Saturday.








Finally, here's a preview of what I couldn't take pictures of because it was made (or finished cooking) on Shabbos.  Our chulent, some amazing fresh cherries, and the pineapple that's left from the chicken which turned into an amazing fruit salad.  We also had dips, gefilte fish, a regular romaine salad, an Asian cabbage salad, and another fruit salad.  Mmm...





PART THREE: Boston

We went on a fabulous overnight to Boston for 4th of July (although the only thing we DIDN'T do was fireworks!)  It was amazing to do the fun road trip, see open roads and SPACE (something we miss dearly in NJ), and get away from our crazy heat wave.

Our view as the sun was coming up on the highway... about two hours into the trip.  (We left at 4 AM after a brief nap.  Fenway was the next day, which kept us going strong, but we opted to watch the fireworks from the comfort of our hotel room bed.)

We had a difficult time trying to figure out why there were so many parking spots available  We spent a good ten minutes looking for hidden signs until we realized we're just not in NY anymore.

Our view from the bleachers at Fenway, by far the highlight of our trip, despite the fact that the Red Sox seemed to think they were also on vacation.  That would be the one and only head between us and the (far far back of) the field.  Very exciting :)

Obligatory stadium shot.  Omri looks so hot in Red Sox paraphernalia.

The highlight of Omri's Fenway foray.  Meat and milk vending machines that "cook" your kosher food for you--and you STILL get to pay outrageous ballpark prices!  (They were small, but surprisingly good!)

Future Fan t-shirt.  Of course I bought it!

Proof that Omri's really a Jewish hippie at heart.  He went a night without sleeping to make sure he'd make minyan Sunday morning in Boston, but on Monday, he got to get in touch with his inner Chassid.

Finally, some silly tourist-y pictures to round it out:

 

Conclusion: road trips are awesome, especially with an Omri.

healthy living

I just had the most therapeutic kitchen mopping experience ever. Thank Gd. I had no idea how much the kitchen floor was bothering me!!!

So Omri and I know we're in a big learning process. And it truly feels like it some days. I'm learning how to manage a house, feed our little family properly, do errands. On top of that, we're adjusting to a new community and the major lifestyle changes that that includes... especially as neither of us grew up as religious Jews. Finally, I'm learning how to teach... as I do it. Which ends up in nights like last night: 3 hours of cramming over a fifth grade history book to get my head around the differences of the 13 English colonies. Then, once I learned it, how to teach it. Then creating the materials. Thank Gd I love my job but it is not always so easy this first year.

Well, I decided to add another learning curve. Which sounds crazy, but I find that the busier I am, the better I feel. And while this running-a-house-learning-to-teach-learning-to-be-married curve is progressing nicely, it's progressing slowly. In the meantime, I'm finding other things that are lacking.

The TED video I posted yesterday reminded me that we need to really prioritize finding a social group here in town. So hopefully this Shabbat, hubby will be going to the "young" shul in Passaic and I'll follow next Shabbat. That is a good step in that direction. Oh, and an awesome young couple down the road may be coming for a meal next Shabbat as well!

But I'm also less-than-satisfied with our lifestyle, health-wise. I learned at Tisch to love body work, exercise, and healthy living. I want to get back to that. I get all starry eyed walking through Sporting Goods stores and I had a near-religious experience in the Kripalu giftshop. But that's not sufficient.

But, BH, that's fixable! So my plan is to check out this amazing looking yoga studio in nearby Clifton next Monday morning.

And the second bit is where this blog comes in. I've heard friends and professionals go crazy over amazing diet changes that I just don't know anything about. I'm not talking crash diets. But, learning about whole grains, for instance. What qualifies? What does it do to help? What are best recipes to try? Or, what's so bad about caffeine? Or sugar? I love health, and I appreciate health. But I just don't know that much.

So, IY"H, I'm going to be using this blog to track the progress and report on my findings. Whole grains may have to wait, as Passover is coming and they'd get the short end of the stick. But here's the list I definitely want to start with:

Whole grains

Caffeine

Sugar

Alcohol

What else should I add to the list?

Alternatively, ages back I bought Dr. Weil's CD 8 Weeks to Optimum Health. Maybe I should start by doing his program and use the blog-part as a supplement?

Hm... leaning towards the latter.

What do you think?

Fluttering

I have a strange history with some southern ladies I've never met.

Don't worry, I intend to clarify.

In high school, I was very involved (understatement) in forensics. "What?" you ask, wondering what high schooler occupies herself with the examination of crime scenes.

Ohhh... not that kind of forensics. Forensics is the inexplicable moniker that's replaced "speech and debate" since "speech and debate" became "speech (3 or 4 different forms), debate (at least two forms), mock congress, and--get this, artistes--Competitive Acting." Speech and Debate just doesn't suffice.

Anyway, I did the Competitive Acting bit. Dramatic Interpretation, Humorous(ly bad) Interpretation, Duo Interpretation, Prose and Poetry. In each, the student would take a book, play or screenplay and cut and paste it into a (hopefully) coherent and (when lucky) interesting 10 minute performance. My speech coach stumbled onto a dusty book called Sidetracked Home Executives. Prone to a dangerous mix of irony and nostalgia, our coach thought we should put together a mildly satirical, ultimately heartfelt DUO based on the authors: classic old-school housewives and their systems and processes to run their homes in a time when a new bundt pan could really rock your socks.

Now, at the time, I had no idea how brainwashed I was being by "progressive feminism and democracy." ...hold on, lemme just pull out the soapbox. Ok, got it....

I was raised believing that women and men were equal. That women could (and should) have the same careers and, basically, lives as men. We should approach relationships the same way (ick), work the same way (ouch), have the same interests and hold marriage and family at the same very low level as (most) men. It didn't occur to me until midway through college that this isn't actually practical. And, more upsetting, many women who were caught up in the early feminism craze have come forward stating that they feel robbed of the opportunity to have a real family.

What did feminism--the way most people understood it--do? It took all the glory out of being a woman. To say that women should work like men is to say that the way women have worked throughout history isn't noble or downright incredible. Well, it is. And now, thank Gd, most feminists are catching on that the whole POINT is to give women the CHOICE.* No, you don't HAVE to be just like a man to be fulfilled. In fact, it's pretty awesome to be a woman. And it's nice to live in a time where jobs are open and women are more respected in the workplace, but really, are men respected in the house? Have we perhaps stumbled upon a bit of a double standard here?

Househusbands of the world unite!

Ok, back to my southern friends....

So, a few years after I am performing Sidetracked Home Executives to teeny tiny audiences on the Forensics circuit, I've landed at NYU's Tisch school and I'm in on a monologue workshop with the amazing Karen Kohlhaas. She's giving her schpiel on Why Actors Need Flylady (definitely worth a read if you haven't heard this!) and so I decide to check out this website. She explains it's a home/life management "system" (sort of) mainly geared towards stay-at-home-moms but particularly crucial for the working actor. So I sign up for her emails and I've been getting them for years now.

It wasn't until a few years in that I realized (you've probably guessed by now) that Flylady IS THE SIDETRACKED HOME EXECUTIVE!!! I've become a devotee of the very woman whose entire life view I thought had gone out with avocado refrigerators! Go figure!

So, hats off to you, Flylady. The "hotspots" are getting cleaned, my "DH" is happy to be no-shirt-for-work-panic free in the mornings, and I introduced the timer to my fifth grade class.

Cheers (you know, Purim's coming!),
k

* My teacher, Devorah Kigel, gives an amazing series of classes for married and engaged women in which she pointed out the relatively recent story of a female politician who stepped down from her role to spend more time with her family. She was slammed by the feminists, totally denying her her privilege to choose how to prioritize her time!

Day 4 TV-free

Plans changed quite suddenly and I was really down last night.

Normally, this would have meant curling up to TV or a movie, which we consider "treats."

Instead, we busted out the wine glasses, poured in ginger ale (our poor-man's Moscato), and learned how to make egg rolls.

We could use more practice (namely, we spent the first 7 not realizing we hadn't torn off the sheets fully and were wrapping each roll doubly thick) and Omri valiantly tried to turn beer chicken into a Thai-style stir fry...

But one day, they'll look like this:

Most importantly, we laughed, talked, bonded, and had a much more meaningful experience than 45 minutes to 2 hours of the tube could possibly have provided.

TV-FREE!

Monday was Day 1 of our Netflix-and-Hulu-free home.

We'd already made the decision when we moved here not to have TV or cable, but we thought Netflix would be a great way to still get a movie in here or there.

But Netflix is much more clever than that. My experience was that Netflix induces this crazy-movie-watching-industriousness. There's ALWAYS a movie there. One you want to watch. And once you watch it, there's another one coming. And you have this LIST to get through, so you better start watching! So we were watching at least one, sometimes two movies a week. That's three hours a week down the drain. Not our initial intention.

So, on Sunday, we nixed Netflix and decided, for good measure, to ban Hulu from our home as well.

The results?

The whole house...

Is clean.

It's a beautiful thing, this TV free life.

We might even take up Scrabble again.

Cooking for a boy...

...is hard.

Our first meal here, I decided to make us a nice dinner. I made a lovely fish dinner from a cookbook my mom gave me ages ago. I served it with salad. I was cooking for two, so I doubled my portion.

Big mistake.

About ten minutes after the meal, Noach starts to look uncomfortable. In his nicest, "I love you but" voice, he asks, "we-we're not having... anything else?"

Turns out that two girl portions does not a marriage feed. He doesn't even eat two of what I eat. It's more like three. It's crazy! Boys are so... different!

It hasn't gotten much better. I cook what I think is a ton (so that I'll have extra to freeze for later) but he still finishes it all! And generally the only times I entered the kitchen were to do either something fancy, like baking, or something so simple I wouldn't serve it to Noach. So every meal-literally, breakfast, lunch and dinner-turns into a three or four course extravaganza. It's crazy.

We did just do a massive shopping trip in the Costco produce section so we have lots and lots of fruits and veggies to eat up. We signed up for a CSA in North Jersey but it doesn't start until the 21st. We're very excited to see what crazy fruits and veggies we end up with! I don't know how to cook kale, do you?

So anyway, I'm still working on it. We definitely have enough baked goods to last us (I bake under pressure, a la Izzie Stevens), but I need main courses and side dishes. That are quick. And preferably freezable. And healthy. And don't have meat or potatoes, which we don't really eat.

Any ideas?

Newlyweds

Noach (alias: Omri, my husband) and I just got back from a really nice Shabbos in Monsey. Seeing a deer on Shabbos is just cool. Walking through the forest to get to shul is also pretty great. And the family that invited us, an older couple that Noach used to work with, were adorable... like having an extra set of grandparents. And I think they enjoyed having some young blood around to change up the conversation.

Beyond that... I had trouble with the size of everything. How is it possible people in Israel make do with an apartment and here we all need museums? It's so cut-off and private. And this coming from a classic introvert who likes nothing better than to be alone! But not REALLY alone, which is how I feel in a huge empty house on a huge empty lot on a huge street filled with more of the same. I can't imagine living somewhere like that and not getting the "keeping up with the Joneses" mania. I didn't get this from the people... that's just my reaction to the size of everything. But I have pretty well-documented rich people phobia. Maybe THAT'S why I feel so much more comfortable in Israel.

I'm also starting to understand the warnings about The Chutz better. Everyone always says, "don't go to Brooklyn or Monsey and think you're not living in galus." I couldn't believe anyone would actually make that mistake. But all Shabbos, I only saw two people who weren't Jewish. And I didn't see any Jews who weren't frum. That's crazy. And there's such a weirdness about it. These people shouldn't all be here. All these Jews, and so badly needed in Eretz Yisrael. And they have the ability to make the move, at least financially. It's so weird to be in America and feel like it's just all Jews. Because it is so not.

One fact always ringing in my mind is that a few years before the Shoah, a Jewish Englishman was in charge of the "Palistinean authority." Any Jew who wanted to make aliyah was allowed. And nobody did. They still had money, they still had prestiege, and they had no reason to suspect that the world would go crazy and blood-thirsty in a few years. Granted, Israel was very different then. Scattered, small communities and nothing close to the opportunities we see there today. But today we look back and shake our heads and think, "if only they'd gone when they had the chance." Today we are PAID to go to Israel. (B"H for Nefesh b'Nefesh. Here is Aish's 1 minute video on them.) They give us the flight. They help us find jobs, communities, ulpanim, apartments. They practically help us pack our bags. And yet we still have the chutzpa to stay.

I'm loving Passaic. Everyone here is growth oriented, giving, warm, and very spiritual. But I would love to know why Noach and I are in the position that we are in. I feel exiled from Israel. I think back of memories in Israel and it's as if we were living in color. Here we're in sepia. And living in color was draining, for sure. The fear was real and the stress was real, but the connection was so much more intense, and the love and joy was so much more full.

I guess that's just where I am right now. Really Missing Israel. A Lot. It comes in waves.
And while I don't really wish not being in Israel on anyone, thank Gd I get to go through this with my husband. Noach has become my channel. He is so plugged in spiritually, I just need to sit and listen to him to be inspired. It's as if he still has one foot in Jerusalem, and he's been here longer. I don't think he feels that way. I remember being on the phone with him after he'd been home a few months, and him telling me how you could feel the difference from here to there. That it was palpable. I remember my heart sinking, as I was already full of fear about the move back to the States.

Maybe I should just refocus on the piles of laundry and stuff that need to be decluttered from this house. Noach's friend Meir always says how a mentor of his said that you have to be zoche to live in Israel. So maybe this time can be about building us up to be people that don't just take from Israel but find a way to give to Israel.

Ah, before I go. Wedding pictures are up. Our photographer, Max Orenstein did an incredible job capturing an incredible day. Here are his highlights. Here's one of my favorites:

it's getting so official...

http://www.theknot.com/ourwedding/katelord&omrilevin

Being engaged means...
Lots of cookies and dancing
Finding out that people think nice things about you
Finding out that people think nice things about him
Not sleeping... either out of busyness or oh-my-gosh-I'm-getting-marriedness
Cognitive dissonance
Smile headaches
Forgetting about just about everything you have to do
Being able to plan approximately 10 minutes ahead of you
Needing some Grey's Anatomy and a cup of hot coffee!!!

Time's moving on...

Back in Israel.

Sick again. Boo.

But learning has been really really amazing. I have definitely gotten a little rusty on my text skills and need to work on that but that just takes time. We had an amazing shiur today on why evil exists that was basically a kavanah lecture in disguise. I didn't think that I was really enjoying her class but then as soon as it was over my friend and I looked at each other and were like, "woah. She just answered so many questions." It was a really good feeling.

Then we got a teaser of an impromptu shiur on the different sects of Orthodoxy which ended very quickly after getting a very funny handout comparing Chassidic to Yeshivish and Modern.

It's very weird to think that Omri will be going home so soon. I'm for sure still trying to process that. And I'm not doing very well. I'm just trying to think of all the reasons it makes sense for me to be here and him to be back in the States. I can focus more on my learning, on my friendships, I can travel more... Oy I hope I come up with some better excuses.

Should I stay or should I go now...

Here in our little home in Sarasota, FL, much conversation centering around my imminent flight back to Jerusalem... and whether I'll be on it.

My mind changes about, oh, every day. It's just dangerous enough to completely freak out my mom without actually being dangerous enough to be a deterrent for going back. My friend Malka says I should stop trying to make the decision emotionally and decide *intellectually* what it is that I'm looking for in these next few months.

Number 1 is easy: proof of Judaism. By hell or high water. My best friend says she'll go storm the Polish consulate for me to get the long-lost birth certificate I need. This girl will do anything to be able to get drunk off bubbly at my wedding ASAP. This is why we love her. If the Poles are uncooperative, it's a full conversion for me (*sound the death walk*).

Numbers 2-200 are harder. Learn to keep a kosher kitchen. Connect artistically and get inspiration. Grow. Be challenged. Find direction (I think I'm starting to sniff it out, believe it or not). Figure out what issues I have with frumkeit and address them. Read. A LOT. Get in better shape. Eat more fresh fruits and veggies. See theater.

I learned this Shabbos that I can do the challah, the kugel, the cholent, and the chicken (as long as nobody turns off the oven while my food's in it). Oh, and the carrot cake was bomb. The 6 braid still alludes me completely and I need something more exciting that I can cook.

I got SO BURNED OUT in Israel. And of course. The class schedule is intense, and my situation is already stressful. Plus... it's Israel. But I'm losing focus over here and I don't think it's just that I'm on vacation.

And I miss my friends. And my bed. And my books. And my black fuzzy boots. And I want to see everyone that's now engaged.

Ok I still haven't done anything intellectual. I'll have to go work on that...

Or shower.

Happy Chanukah!

Wow. What a week!

Last Shabbos we had a Shabbaton (a community Shabbat) with Midreshet Rachel v'Chaya. My roommate Rebecca gave a beautiful d'var Torah and there were a lot of students speaking about the Torah portion. It was really great. Unfortunately I was pretty sick but it was nice to have all my meals just down the street with people I knew. We had a bunch of girls sleeping in our apartment because one of the school's apartments is too far to walk. It was cool to have everyone together. It was also my last time seeing a few of the girls who went home this week. Weird to see another changing of the guards here at school. The dynamic changes so much.

Chanukah began on Sunday night. I was a little nervous, because last time we had a holiday in Jerusalem I found it to be totally stressful and overwhelming. (That was really because I was in charge of placing the girls for all their holiday meals, but I associated it with the holiday.) Chanukah is such a beautiful holiday... all about acknowledging the miracles around us and being grateful for them. We commemorate the military victory over the Greeks... but the miracle we remember is the oil that burned for 8 nights. The Greeks were defeated militarily, but more importantly they were defeated spiritually. They wanted to wipe Judaism out, but on Chanukah they failed.

There were a lot of Jews that wanted to be like Greeks. They gave up their Jewish names, clothing, and traditions to fit into Greek culture. Had all Jews done that, there might not be be Judaism today. Last night Omri and I went to a hotel to visit with some college students on the same trip he did last summer. After living in Israel for six months and being surrounded by people who made their decisions based on Torah, it was so interesting to see people who made their decisions based largely on Western culture and Hollywood. They were amazing... it's so cool to see people who are just starting to ask the big questions and to hear what they are confused about, what they like, what they don't like...

Omri and I also saw our Rabbi (Rabbi Lawrence) who was here on a trip with the JEC. We skipped class and went up to the seminary where his students were in class and sat with him for hours going over all the things on our mind. He helped us by showing us what is not worth worrying about because it's out of our control. It was great to see him.

Other than that, Omri and I have spent a lot of time together going downtown, seeing Jerusalem during Chanukah. It's really beautiful. I got to do my holiday shopping and we went from the most secular area with bars and teenagers and fancy stores to the most religious areas. They're a ten minute walk from one another, and worlds apart.

I'm all packed and can't wait to be home! I leave right after Shabbat so it will be interesting over Shabbat trying to focus on being in the present and not packing or planning for the trip.

All my love,
Katie

Update

So I was really supposed to write about our anniversary dinner two and a half months ago... so here's just an update.



Anniversary

Omri took me out for the nicest 2 year anniversary dinner. It was so nice because he really thought everything out in advance and planned it so carefully and made sure to make me comfortable and happy the whole time. The restaurant was sort of a Spanish theme with like eight different courses. Everything was huge portions. Oh, and O
mri bought us a bottle of red wine because he knows that that's a really nice treat for me. Here's our toast! (I'm showing off the yummy meat... not so ladylike I guess.)





Sukkot in Jerusalem






















Amazing Shabbat
We went to Shabbat at one of Omri's Rabbi's houses and it was so lovely! I walked in and the place felt very homey right away. Within five minutes the Rabbi and I realized we'd been born in the same hospital in the Berkshires! That's when I placed the familiar feeling: the decoration reminded me of the way our house had been when I was teeny tiny. He was a third or fourth generation Berkshires man, it was incredible. We had a funny moment when he responded to my comment that he was real American stock and he said, "yep, a real Yankee." I got all nervous thinking that the Berkshires had somehow bred a Yankees fan. But, thank goodness, he just meant "American."

Another great connection was that he and his wife were very involved in the lives of Rabbi Deyo (one of the Rabbis that Omri and I are close to in NYC) and his wife and it was such a nice connection. He told me stories about them. I love people who are interested in people, like Rabbi Kaufman and his wife. It reminded me about being at the Shabbos table with Rabbi Sarna. They really want to know everybody's story and have so much respect and admiration for where people come from. It makes everyone feel so special. And, really, everyone's story really is incredible and inspirational and it almost becomes the Dvar Torah of the meal when a story is told with the right amount of appreciation and respect.

In other news, my friend Malka had a baby boy! He is absolutely beautiful. She's two for two now, because her older, Tehila, is the sweetest toddler ever. Here's her playing with Omri:



Today I was at Lynn's cooking for five and a half hours (!) in preparation for the night of learning
Chessed: be the change you want to make; becoming the person I want to be and how it's going

One reason to love Israel...

Today I discovered a good reason to enjoy living in Israel... which is not to say that I find living here easy--or even consistently enjoyable. But I gotta say, I had a great experience at the hospital today.

What's that? The hospital?

Ok, well, to be less dramatic, the Terem. It's an ER that only deals with small injuries that are not immediate. This is an incredible system as it allows immediate care for people who can't wait to see a doctor or who need X-Rays but keeps them out of the ERs that deal with major life-or-death traumas. The ER ran really nicely, everyone spoke English (which I'm embarrassed to rely so heavily on, but thank G-d I didn't need any Hebrew today!).

So, in our attempt to find cheap entertainment, Omri and I went to the OU Israel Center last night and caught their free Hitchcock double feature (The Cheney Vase and The Man Who Knew Too Much) with about 20 octogenarians. Other than the loud commentary from all angles, the sometimes-skipping DVD, and the disproportionately large number of people eating sandwiches out of plastic bags, it was an enjoyable experience. I really liked The Cheney Vase. But (take away my Tisch diploma if you must) I'd rather watch The Man Who Knew Too Little.

On the way back from the theater, my ankle, which has been bothering me on and off for about a month, started to seriously hurt. To the point where I couldn't really put any weight on it by the end of the evening. The small area that had been bothering me a month earlier was now gaining ground and causing searing pain from just below my knee to the bottom of my heel.

I hate going to the doctor.

Last night, Omri made me promise to go.

So, ok, today I went to the nice doctor in Har Nof and he referred me to Terem. They took X-Rays, checked me out, and sent me on my way with a bandaged foot and advice of how to make it heal faster (namely, stop walking on it). Here's a cool memento: I got to take my X-Rays home in a DVD! Never had that happen before.

Now we have to figure out ways to enjoy Israel on the cheap, when we're not allowed in each other's apartments, and now... WITHOUT HAVING TO WALK. This won't be easy. Any advice is appreciated.