Our first meal here, I decided to make us a nice dinner. I made a lovely fish dinner from a cookbook my mom gave me ages ago. I served it with salad. I was cooking for two, so I doubled my portion.
Big mistake.
About ten minutes after the meal, Noach starts to look uncomfortable. In his nicest, "I love you but" voice, he asks, "we-we're not having... anything else?"
Turns out that two girl portions does not a marriage feed. He doesn't even eat two of what I eat. It's more like three. It's crazy! Boys are so... different!
It hasn't gotten much better. I cook what I think is a ton (so that I'll have extra to freeze for later) but he still finishes it all! And generally the only times I entered the kitchen were to do either something fancy, like baking, or something so simple I wouldn't serve it to Noach. So every meal-literally, breakfast, lunch and dinner-turns into a three or four course extravaganza. It's crazy.
We did just do a massive shopping trip in the Costco produce section so we have lots and lots of fruits and veggies to eat up. We signed up for a CSA in North Jersey but it doesn't start until the 21st. We're very excited to see what crazy fruits and veggies we end up with! I don't know how to cook kale, do you?
So anyway, I'm still working on it. We definitely have enough baked goods to last us (I bake under pressure, a la Izzie Stevens), but I need main courses and side dishes. That are quick. And preferably freezable. And healthy. And don't have meat or potatoes, which we don't really eat.
Noach (alias: Omri, my husband) and I just got back from a really nice Shabbos in Monsey. Seeing a deer on Shabbos is just cool. Walking through the forest to get to shul is also pretty great. And the family that invited us, an older couple that Noach used to work with, were adorable... like having an extra set of grandparents. And I think they enjoyed having some young blood around to change up the conversation.
Beyond that... I had trouble with the size of everything. How is it possible people in Israel make do with an apartment and here we all need museums? It's so cut-off and private. And this coming from a classic introvert who likes nothing better than to be alone! But not REALLY alone, which is how I feel in a huge empty house on a huge empty lot on a huge street filled with more of the same. I can't imagine living somewhere like that and not getting the "keeping up with the Joneses" mania. I didn't get this from the people... that's just my reaction to the size of everything. But I have pretty well-documented rich people phobia. Maybe THAT'S why I feel so much more comfortable in Israel.
I'm also starting to understand the warnings about The Chutz better. Everyone always says, "don't go to Brooklyn or Monsey and think you're not living in galus." I couldn't believe anyone would actually make that mistake. But all Shabbos, I only saw two people who weren't Jewish. And I didn't see any Jews who weren't frum. That's crazy. And there's such a weirdness about it. These people shouldn't all be here. All these Jews, and so badly needed in Eretz Yisrael. And they have the ability to make the move, at least financially. It's so weird to be in America and feel like it's just all Jews. Because it is so not.
One fact always ringing in my mind is that a few years before the Shoah, a Jewish Englishman was in charge of the "Palistinean authority." Any Jew who wanted to make aliyah was allowed. And nobody did. They still had money, they still had prestiege, and they had no reason to suspect that the world would go crazy and blood-thirsty in a few years. Granted, Israel was very different then. Scattered, small communities and nothing close to the opportunities we see there today. But today we look back and shake our heads and think, "if only they'd gone when they had the chance." Today we are PAID to go to Israel. (B"H for Nefesh b'Nefesh. Here is Aish's 1 minute video on them.) They give us the flight. They help us find jobs, communities, ulpanim, apartments. They practically help us pack our bags. And yet we still have the chutzpa to stay.
I'm loving Passaic. Everyone here is growth oriented, giving, warm, and very spiritual. But I would love to know why Noach and I are in the position that we are in. I feel exiled from Israel. I think back of memories in Israel and it's as if we were living in color. Here we're in sepia. And living in color was draining, for sure. The fear was real and the stress was real, but the connection was so much more intense, and the love and joy was so much more full.
I guess that's just where I am right now. Really Missing Israel. A Lot. It comes in waves. And while I don't really wish not being in Israel on anyone, thank Gd I get to go through this with my husband. Noach has become my channel. He is so plugged in spiritually, I just need to sit and listen to him to be inspired. It's as if he still has one foot in Jerusalem, and he's been here longer. I don't think he feels that way. I remember being on the phone with him after he'd been home a few months, and him telling me how you could feel the difference from here to there. That it was palpable. I remember my heart sinking, as I was already full of fear about the move back to the States.
Maybe I should just refocus on the piles of laundry and stuff that need to be decluttered from this house. Noach's friend Meir always says how a mentor of his said that you have to be zoche to live in Israel. So maybe this time can be about building us up to be people that don't just take from Israel but find a way to give to Israel.
Ah, before I go. Wedding pictures are up. Our photographer, Max Orenstein did an incredible job capturing an incredible day. Here are his highlights. Here's one of my favorites:
Aish.com has a 1 minute video series called Heroes of Israel. I highly recommend watching! These videos are beautiful and inspirational... and TRUE, which is always nice :)
Home again sick. Back to the blog and the internet...
It's been bothering me that I wasn't able to put together my dreams of living on a coast in a home with big windows in a place with good weather with my dream if living in Israel. I know this is a beautiful country, so it bothered me that when I wanted a visual home-in-ten-years fantasy, I always had to turn to American shorelines.
Thank you, Nefesh b'Nefesh. Their communities page helped me brainstorm and come up with a new home fantasy. Today I fell in love with Zichron Yaakov. It actually reminds me a lot of Sarasota, just in the right country. The houses are beautiful, and, because they're not in Jerusalem, not quite as expensive as I would have thought. It was exactly the boost I needed to re-focus on a long-term goal of coming back here to stay.
By the way, check out this book! I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to proofread it and it is being gobbled up everywhere! It was so cool to be in Manny's yesterday (popular Jerusalem bookshop) and see it not just in the store, but displayed in three different parts of the store! Even cooler was seeing three of my friends buy a copy :)
One week (minus one day) left in Eretz Yisrael Three weeks (minus one day) until my WEDDING!!! And, of course, I wake up sick as a dog today.
Guess that means it's time to update my blog.
So. We have pictures of our apartment in Passaic, NJ. (See the new design? That picture up top is the Veterans Memorial Park in Passaic, a few blocks away from our apartment! I love it.) It's a nice apartment, but very very basic, and it's going to need some major decorating to suit us for a year. I really want this to be a nice place for us to live.
Here are the pictures we have so far:
The kitchen:
The living room and front entryway...
The bedroom (hard to tell apart from the living room in the pictures because they look exactly the same to me. I think the living room just has one window opposite the front entry but the bedroom has two.
And our bathroom (which I happen to think is pretty adorable already.)
Challenge #1 is going to be the catbox. First, we're just going to have to be cleaning it all the time because I refuse to have a gnarly smelling home. I'm also gonna have to vacuum a lot. (Oh, that reminds me, I should register for a vacuum!) I guess I should just accept that up front. But kitty is worth it. So here are the options...
A. Shove it in the bathroom. I'm not crazy about this idea because first, I'm not sure there's space and second, we only have one bathroom so that means guests tripping all over it.
Or B., put it in a cupboard with a secret entrance and it'll be disguised. I think I'd do this in the front entryway so that it's not near food or dining things.
Gorgeous design, handmade... with shipping, over $400. Just not going to happen. But maybe I can get a cheap Ikea cupboard and just cut in a catdoor? It needs to be big enough for the catbox in the picture because that's the kind I have. The magical automatic catbox :)
Omri's been buying some second-hand furniture and is right now on his way to Rochester to get all our STUFF which is really exciting. Plus we're getting his futon from college and probably some other stuff I just don't remember...
Being engaged means... Lots of cookies and dancing Finding out that people think nice things about you Finding out that people think nice things about him Not sleeping... either out of busyness or oh-my-gosh-I'm-getting-marriedness Cognitive dissonance Smile headaches Forgetting about just about everything you have to do Being able to plan approximately 10 minutes ahead of you Needing some Grey's Anatomy and a cup of hot coffee!!!
I love PostSecret. I want to live in Israel. Every Jewish holiday intimidates me as it comes, but I love it once it arrives. I miss connecting to my davening. I love our teachers. I'm engaged now and I'm still not used to having a ring on that finger. I'm in hiding from family politics. I miss yoga. And painting. There is nowhere in the world that compares to Jerusalem.
Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you. If I tagged you, it's because I want to know more about you.
1. I can't believe I'm actually doing this. I was supposed to be having my overseas web-cam chat with my mom but she's not answering her gchat right now so...
2. I really really love having long mornings. Getting up and writing and davening and having a good breakfast with a nice cup of tea or coffee and maybe some yoga or a long walk to school... love it. But it only happens about once a month.
3. My current dream involves moving to New Jersey. I don't know what, specifically that says about me, but I don't think it's good. At least it's a part of New Jersey that's commutable to NYC.
4. I have been with my boyfriend Omri for over two years. He lives down the street and learns in yeshiva there. It's total chance that we're so close, but I'm incredibly grateful because we get to see a lot of eachother.
5. I have about five different careers I'm interested in. Which I think means I'm not really interested in any of them. It's good that I don't need to make any big decisions as of yet.
6. I found out I was Jewish when I was 12. Now I'm an orthodox Jew living in Jerusalem.
7. Even though I've kept kosher for years, I still have to write down what time I can eat dairy again on my hand when I have meat for lunch.
8. I hate eating meat for lunch. When it's my home, it will be largely parve with a bit of dairy throughout the week with meat only on Shabbos. But I'm cheap, so I eat what they give me in school.
9. Israel has changed me in some unexpected ways. Like, I don't really like shopping anymore... it weirds me out that people just go spend money because they're bored. When I came home to visit family in Florida for two weeks over winter break, I almost cried from culture shock in the Atlanta airport.
10. I love studying Torah, but lately I haven't enjoyed learning the weekly Parshas. It really frustrates me and I'm really grateful we have a Parsha class because otherwise I don't know how much I'd really study them.
11. I used to get really depressed when I wasn't acting. I don't get that way anymore, but I will be excited when the year is over to so some kind of theater again... although probably not anything like what I used to do!
12. I love cooking. I also secretly love cleaning, and when I'm alone I sing the songs that the Disney princesses sing when they're cleaning. They're catchy, what can I say.
13. I like infants better than toddlers. There's something so incredible about connecting with someone who has no power of communication but just wants to cuddle and love on you and be comfy. Oh, and poo and spit up.
14. I love fruit so much that I will sometimes eat cake (which I don't particularly like) instead of fruit because I don't feel I've earned the fruit.
15. It wasn't until college that I realized that some people don't eat salad before dinner every night. I also learned there that some people regularly eat dessert after dinner.
16. I love bread. Can't get enough of it. When I was little, I used to eat all the restaurant bread until mom told me I'd fill up on bread then once I got my main course I was so sad that it wasn't as good as the bread. But once I ate a good amount of my main course she'd let me go back to the restaurant bread. We never ate white bread at home, that might be partly why...
17. I love helping people get ready for Shabbos. Last week I was out all Thursday night helping cook and clean, then I went back again Friday morning, then to someone else in the afternoon, and then back to my friends' to finish up. It winds up making me have to rush to get myself ready in time (and sometimes I don't manage finishing everything I wanted to do) which I know isn't really ideal but I feel like Shabbos is so much sweeter when you have to work for it. And these days, since I always eat out, I don't get to do much work for it.
18. I'm good at talking my way out of speeding tickets.
19. I love living in Israel. I'm not sure I can handle America any more after living here. And I've only done just over half the year.
20. I just got invited to the facebook group of my girl scout troop from when I was little. I didn't really keep up with anyone from Marblehead when I moved to Florida so it's kinda cool to find these people again. And I'm gonna tag some on this so that we can catch up :)
21. I love going to Disney. I'm glad my mom lives in Florida. So far I've always gotten to go to Disney on my Florida trips. They've still all been free. Hopefully that will continue! Kim and I used to go to Disney like once a month. Maybe more. I think we memorized all the rides. We'd try to find cute employees to talk to because we were bored of the rides and needed something to entertain ourselves.
22. I love wine. I'm so happy that kosher wine has evolved. There's some really impressive stuff out there. Friday night is red wine night and Shabbos lunch is white wine night.
23. I like wearing jewelry but I can't buy it. I get totally overwhelmed by all the choices and they're all so similar. So I like getting jewelry as a gift because then I don't have to think.
24. My boyfriend's parents send me the sweetest, cutest gifts ever. For Chanukah I got a gorgeous bracelet and Chanukah socks!
25. I love to entertain but I don't like being a guest at a big party unless I came with someone. I get completely overwhelmed.
(I have a bad habit of posting twice in a row. Just under this is my post about my trip home to Florida, Rosh Chodesh Shvat, and Michelle's Vort... so don't neglect it just because I have a bad posting schedule please!)
One of the things that was pointed out to me this year that's particularly incredible about Israel is that, unless you have personal ties outside the country, you never really have to leave. Want history? We got it... the best, oldest, and richest in the world. Want culture? Whatever you want... museums, culture, dining, it's all here and you can have it--kosher or treif, whatever your preference (I hope kosher). Want a tropical vacation? Eilat's beaches are some of the best in the world. Or you can check out Tel Aviv's beach. Nightclubs, hiking (desert mountains or lush tropics, your call), more activism and community service than I've ever seen, more PhDs per capita than any country in the world, advanced technology, great education, oceans, lakes, deserts, SKIING even. The holiest and the most secular. All in a country that would fit inside New Jersey.
I don't even want to think about comparing the offerings of Israel to those of New Jersey.
I'd never been to Eilat before and I was completely blown away. First off, from one mountaintop (where Lynn gave a shiur on emunah [faith] and we said the whole book of Tehillim [Psalms]) we could see Jordan, Egypt, and Saudi Arabia in one eyefull. Insane.
The trip really should not have been called the Eilat Tiyul but "Eilat and the Negev" because we spent most of our time hiking in the Negev desert. Now, I thought, oh, MRC "hiking" is nothing. Usually their version of "challenging" means "maybe don't bring grandma." But this was more like scaling a cliff. There were for sure times I just couldn't look down because we were literally climbing a peak and it sloped down at as much as an 80 degree angle on either side. Two hours of it. The second day the hike was just as long but less climbing and more walking and it was also incredible. The first hike was in Machtesh Hagadol ("The Great Crater") and the second day was in the Eilat mountains. Let me see if I have some good pictures to illustrate:
This one gives you a good idea how steep the hike was. Say hi to Sarah! Note the Rabbi's daughter barely hanging on just behind her. This hike was like an advertisement for hiking shoes with good traction. I have no IDEA how we didn't just keep slipping right back down. (If you click the picture you can see it larger... some of these are hard to see so small.) How gorgeous is this? I can't believe how tiny we are! Again, showing steepness. Note that this is not the "climbing" part, this is just the straight up walking part. The climbing, which was about a good third of the hike, required pulling ourselves up with our hands. A break on our way up the mountain. Notice what we are about to climb, in the top center of the picture. THAT'S why we're taking a break! Amazing view. The way back down was a lot easier, but still... insane. Teeny tiny sem girls on a huuuuuge boulder. This is from the second hike. More walking, more breathtaking views, a bit less rock climbing. Me and my shnookums after the second day's hike. We did it! Note that my pictures are only from when my hands are free and I'm not about to faint... so the hike was a lot more intense than even this!
After two days of really hard hiking, it was so incredible to be on the beach, lying out. Leia and I were beach buddies and we had an amazing time. We got Heinekens, laid out in the sun, then went SNORKELING!--so amazing--then got ourselves some ice cream while we dried off. Perfect beach day. They played music over the loudspeakers and it was all just us girls in our own private bit of beach.
Then we went to the Eilat Hesder yeshiva, Ayelet Hashachar where we heard Rabbi Rothkopf talk about his experience of bringing Torah to a totally secular, separated (by miles of desert) town. The whole place is very small and it's had a religious explosion. What's really cool about it, he told us, was that you have all these different "branches" of Orthodoxy all getting along there. Someone could wear a Nachman kippa, daven Chabad, and donate to Hesder while learning at yet another yeshiva. That's not something you see in a lot of places... it's really incredible.
After a trip like that all I want to do is make aliyah. This country is just so incredible, you can't help but love it. And I know that any possibility is far off in the future, but it can't hurt to start thinking now! I definitely got a nice wake-up call when I found out that my old roommate, Noelle, has moved to South Africa to continue her work with Keep a Child Alive (check out her blog at http://sanibonasouthafrica.blogspot.com/). And here I'm hesitating about the time I'm spending here, the Jewish homeland, when the best, most life-changing part of my life has been growing and developing as a Jew? Where people actually SPEAK the holy tongue and the greatest Torah minds walk the street with you? I literally had these insane dreams about it last night and couldn't even function this morning because it was getting to me so much. I stayed home and did what I always do when I'm stressed. I did my laundry.
